The stories we tell (on returning to horses).
I love it when I have those ‘aha’ moments, when the light switch goes on and I am home. Sometimes they are so challenging to receive, feel so uncomfortable due to the resistance, but so worth what is on the other side, and I have always been grateful for the experience of new insight and growth.
At times I have had to be pushed - by a coach, a trusted friend, my husband, and then often I have clung to the cliff edge and my story desperately, fearing change way more than the known familiar pain I have become used to.
Who would I be without my story?
And all too often, there are layers - we find peace and surrender around something only to discover a deeper layer. We are products of all the thoughts and beliefs we have gathered throughout our lives and, for most of us, we have a plethora of negative ones.
Some things are relatively easy to shift, just listening to someone else or ourselves without judgement and seeing a fresh perspective is enough. Others are more stubborn, sometimes bedded into our subconscious so that we are not even aware. All we know is that we feel discomfort, triggered or dis-ease.
My greatest regret and deepest pain is around my childhood horse and as I continue to work on this 30-year-plus trauma, I try to find purpose in it, trusting that this will happen eventually, as believing now that everything happens exactly as it should.
Meanwhile, I practise forgiveness for myself and others and work on what I know at this time.
Now I know better, I do better. I have the past to use as wisdom and allow myself the freedom to
experience the now through a fresh lens.
I am beginning to write a new story.
Being in the presence of horses is a precious gift that I will always appreciate. It is where I feel most connected and calm, my coming home. To feel the gentle breath of a horse on the top of my head or listen to the rhythmic sound of hay being chewed is blissful.
How willing these beautiful souls are to share their gifts is truly humbling.
As I learn more - and thankfully for horses, there are big shifts happening in understanding, I appreciate these amazing creatures all the more. They deserve so much better.
I hope that I can be part of this story.
Crossing the river of change and facing the unknown will always feel uncomfortable, but what’s the alternative? Nothing stays still anyway.
If we try and refuse to take the ride, we feel separation, we begin to live in constant fear as we try harder to control our external reality, often so addicted to our stress we don’t realise our anxiety.
What if we can find the courage to move through our discomfort and navigate our way across the river? What if we allow our past to become wisdom, visualise a new way of being, and offer a new version of ourselves to the world?