In their studies, Schlossberg and S.B. Merriam developed theories on the opportunities for growth within life transitions. They categorised four types of transition.
Anticipated - Transitions which are planned eg, moving house, getting married, having a baby etc.
Unanticipated - Transitions that are unplanned eg, relationship breakdown, redundancy etc.
Non-event - Transitions where you expected something that doesn’t happen when you want it to or at all, eg, not getting the promotion, fertility issues, house sale falling through etc.
Sleeper - Transitions that happen gradually and creep up on us eg, learning a new skill / job, the gradual erosion of a relationship etc.
All beings experience life transitions.
Between the transitions of coming into our physical bodies and leaving them, most of us will go through numerous major life changes.How we deal with these experiences and what we learn from them, will (I believe) affect the quality of our lives.
We are constantly changing and evolving, transitioning through cycles of the seasons and life stages, as well as personal and collective ones.
Transition brings about the ‘death’ of something and the birth of something new and how we perceive these changes will determine the depth of any grief that may come with them. I believe that change is challenging for humans, however much some of us crave and seek it. Even personal growth can challenge us as we may (emotionally or physically) move away from friends / family etc. that we no longer relate to in the same way.
Whether it’s the actual ‘death’ of someone we love, whose lack of physical presence leaves a huge hole in our lives or the presence of a much wanted baby, who leaves us with no time for ourselves. We can grieve for a life we no longer have as we transition through to our new reality.
Personally, my biggest transitions have been through relationships - (breakdown / divorce / blended & step-families), beloved pets transitioning, lots of moving, changing and insecure work patterns and self-employment.
You may be experiencing some of the above now or have gone through some of this too. Perhaps you have health and well-being issues that are bringing change to your life or something else.
How can we navigate the hard transitions with courage and grace, finding value, especially when there seems to be none?
During transitions in my life, when I have honoured the whole process and created ritual and ceremony around what will no longer be, (however much I’m seeking the change) and allowed myself the time to grieve whichever parts I need to, I can be more open to the growth and learning that inevitably comes with any transition. I can also be fully present with what is.
Throughout my separation and divorce, even though I knew that we would both be happier, I needed to mourn the loss of all I had thought and had hoped it would be. I had to acknowledge what I would miss, what I would now never have and how we were affecting those around us. So, although excited about my new life in a new place, moving towards something I really wanted, I needed to hold space for the parts of me that would have felt safer, less guilty, less bereft if I had chosen to stay. This transition brought other transitions over the years as we navigated parenthood and each having new partners etc.
So, whether a transition is ‘wanted’ or ‘unwanted’, planned or unplanned, if we take our time to do the work that is needed consciously, it’s possible to find peace, growth and wisdom in any transition, however hard it may seem.